Netflix, I love you

The decision has been made. Between the cost of "services" going up at Time Warner and the simple fact we watch one channel in this house, cable will be cut from my list of bills.

We have something like 700 channels and we watch channel 58. All.Day.Long. Or we did until I got wise and moved the bigger TV and ROKU upstairs to the living room. Thank you, Netflix, for having things like BabyFirst and Veggie Tales at the ready. They're educational and captivating and when I need a break or don't have the patience to sit down and educate, you've been my rock. Netflix, you're like another member of the family. And since we pay so littler for you each month, I'm keeping you. You're special to me and are one of the bigger factors to the "cancel cable" decision.

But, for now, let's talk about children's television programming instead of how stoked I am to save money.

Unless it's rated TV-Y or on PBS, kid's TV makes me slightly angry.

OK, it doesn't make me angry. It gets me down right pissed off sometimes.

I'm not talking about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and cute little shows with some educational value like Sofia the First or Little Einsteins or even Phineas and Ferb (I love those guys!). Hell, I can even handle Secret Agent Oso on repeat on Netflix. What I have a problem with are some of the shows played during the day that my kids have come to love but I am beginning to hate with passion.

A.N.T. Farm. Jessie. Dog With a Blog. Those are just a few.

Thanks Zuri, you spiteful delightful little charge in Jessie's care, for teaching my 3-year-old that it's appropriate to say things like, "Ha ha! Sucker!"

I really didn't think I would have to have the "we don't call people names" talk with her until she started pre-k and was thrust in the midst of a populous loaded with kids who are all raised differently and, therefore, are taught completely different things when it comes to what's acceptable and appropriate and what isn't. But there we were on the way home from dance class Tuesday night and I hear her start yelling this shit. I had to have the talk with her. It sucked.

Anyone want to guess what happened next? Exactly. Charlotte started saying it, too. Josie at least understands I mean it when I tell her to stop, that we don't name call and it isn't nice to call someone names like "sucker." She gets that when Mom says she'll go to time out the minute we walk through the front door if her behavior doesn't stop that I'm dead serious.

My lesson in name calling must have worked because this morning Charlotte got bit by the naughty bug and I scolded her and then caught myself saying, "Stop acting like a jerk!" (total lack of coffee and brain filter today) and Josie called me out on it. To her there is no difference between calling someone a name like that and pointing it out as an attitude. Props to my kid for being a whistle-blower and putting me in my place. I'm pretty proud of her. And, yes, I apologized to Charlie and we talked about how I shouldn't have said that, despite the fact I wasn't calling her a jerk, but instead telling her her tantruming wasn't welcome.

Back to the TV. I could go on and on about Jessie, but there are bigger fish to fry.

A.N.T. Farm - while totally about super smartass kids, the show makes me leery of any actual education they're getting on set. For instance, the Black History Month episode where Chyna is all thrown back in time as Ella Fitzgerald and Janet Jackson and Aretha Franklin is awesome because, you know, it teaches viewers about these amazing women of color who made a difference in the music industry. What could possibly piss me off about this episode?!

That bitch (don't call people bitches) Olive does nothing but pick on Fletcher the entire time with her memory quilt project. She's just down right mean to that boy. It happens in almost every episode. Olive is a bully. And I want to scratch her eyes out because she represents everything that is wrong with that show.

Pretty sure the only time she sees the error of her ways is in the episode where her test scores are switched with another kid's and she gets all mopey because if the test says she's not smart ... well then there goes her life. And then she goes to hang out with the stereotypical "dumb blonde" at school because she doesn't fit in with her friends anymore, at least not until the part with the talking dolphin and the academic competition and she can prove that, no! She is smart! ohemgee

Seriously, though, every episode it seems someone is picked on. I don't understand the draw to this show.

Speaking of not understanding things, should we really even talk about Dog With a Blog? I don't think I want to analyze that one right now. I'm too busy hoping my kids stop saying "What up!" and channeling Austin Moon and Des (Dez?) from Austin and Ally on a daily basis.

And despite how much I love (like total fan girl crushing on them) R5, Ross Lynch's show does have an irritation factor. Way to teach kids how NOT to be responsible. Just once I want to see Trish hold down a real job for longer than two days. I want to see her be optimistic that she won't get fired for being a complete airhead. Someone get the girl a planner so she stops screwing up dates and times of when things need to happen. She's Austin manager, for God's sake! Get your shit together.

Des/Dez shouldn't have been overlooked when they needed a new member of the glee club. That made me sad. Totally picked Austin because he's obviously the more popular one. Other people are talented, too, guys. Don't be mean to Des/Dez just because he's aloof.

Before anyone jumps on their "why do you let your kids watch these shows when you have problems with them" bandwagon, lemme just say this: The stupid that these shows send out to the masses can do some good. It has (obviously) opened the door for my husband and I to talk to our children about how to act, how to be responsible, how to be smart without being cruel about it. Sure, they're only 2 and 3 years old, but why would I wait until Josephine is in school and gets picked on before I talk about bullying and name calling? It's pointless to wait for it to happen to them or for them to do it to someone else before that discussion is had.

I'm the product of bullying. I won't let my children do it to their peers and I'll teach them how to handle it if it happens to them, just like my parents put a stop to it happening to me and taught me to turn the other cheek unless totally unavoidable.

I cannot wait to start saving on my TimeWarner bill. Once the Disney Channel is off my TV I won't have to threaten to unplug the damn thing nearly as much. In fact, I don't think I've seen channel 58 for more than a couple hours since bringing the big TV and ROKU upstairs last week.

Netflix, I love you.