Difficult nights, fresh starts

"There are a lot of days I just want to crawl into bed and cry because nothing has gotten done, or I've gotten stressed too easily and scolded too many times, or the TV was a better parent than me ... but we'll only be given what we can handle, even if there are ups, downs and compromises along the way."

I hate when I say something and it comes back at me four-fold. I wrote the words above sometime last week in response to a conversation I was part of with other moms about having a third child and the fear of already being overwhelmed with two.

Last night I was short with the girls. Josie got a spanking. I was close to unplugging the TV and hauling it out to the side of the road. In truth, I wanted to pack a bag, get in the car and leave it all for my husband to deal with until morning. He frequently gets the easy part of parenting. I'm the enforcer, he's the playmate - that's usually how it goes, but more because I'm home with the kids and have to be the seat of discipline.

All I wanted to do last night was have a nice family evening together, make some popcorn and watch "The Little Mermaid" with the girls and I couldn't keep it together long enough to even give that to my kids.

I am not a saint. I have my limits. When the arguing, pushing, shoving and screaming gets to be too much, very little can be done to keep my emotions from spilling over the mental-physical barrier that all too often gets broke down. I strike when hot. I get burned. A lot.

This is not peaceful parenting. I try to keep my parenting practical. I will not become a puddle of mush when my 3-year-old apologizes, not when it's a lesson in behavior and how we treat one another.

I'm writing about this because it seems like everywhere I look on the Internet there's another group, another article, another study or another meme promoting the coddling of our young people. I was raised to be a strong person, a respectful person even, and when the Boy and I made the decision to add to the population problem it was with the mindset that we, too, would be raising our children to respect others and to be strong people. Yes, even if that means the occasional spanking when Time Outs don't work anymore. Usually, it's a last resort.

And this is not an invitation for anyone to attack my way of parenting. Anyone who has met my children has seen firsthand that I am good at what I do - they are respectful, they use their manners and I am proud of them. I love them unconditionally. I would lay down my life if it meant they could have one more day.

This is about the difficult times. If you've never lost your temper when dealing with a strong-willed toddler, I'd have to guess you're lying. Even the most even tempered people I know have lost their cool - my husband and father included.

None of us are perfect and a big part of me wishes we'd all just stop buying into the media hype, the studies, the shitty books written by "experts" about how to be a good parent. Even if you lose your temper, you're still a good parent. You're not doing it wrong. You're just at the end of the patience you were allotted.

And it means it's time to recharge your batteries, start fresh on a Monday morning. Pick out a project. Take a shower and make a plan for the day. Mix up some cookies and eat the dough. Get over yourself and your anger.

It's not easy. Parenting is hard. Parenting requires strength like non-parents have never experienced.

And, in my experience, if you're doing it right ... they still love you even after you've raised your voice, swatted their behind and sent them to bed early. They're going to love you because you've taught them well and shown them some wrongs can be undone and forgiven, and in the morning, they'll wake up and tell you they're sorry and you'll say it, too.

And then, they'll make their simple demands and carry on with the day.

"I want Cinderella to come to my house and Snow White to come to my house and that mermaid. And I want Beauty and the Beast to come to my house," she says. "Mom, I love you."