All Hallow's Eve ... eve

My child refused to dress up for her dance class Halloween thing yesterday.

I'm not going to lie; this doesn't upset me at all. She was adamant we wouldn't even deviate from her normal outfit, though I did sneak in a pair of My Little Legs to keep her warm (which made her look like a less sweaty version of the chick from "Flashdance"). Know why this is awesome to me? My kid was being herself and going against the grain. At least that's what I'm telling myself after last year's meltdown about putting on a damn costume for class.

Before anyone can call me out and say I'm stealing part of their childhood by not enforcing a dress up policy, please just stop. I'm doing nothing of the sort. I'm allowing my child a choice, which I actually think is fairly responsible parenting since I don't want to be the first form of peer pressure they encounter.

Sleep begets sleep and all that

I talk a lot about my kids' sleep habits. At least, I feel like I talk about them a lot.

Charlie loves sleep and only fights bedtimes when she's overtired, which means then she's going to be awake at the ass crack of dawn trying to break down the gate to Cereal Land where she can wreak havoc and mayhem. I'm not usually griping up a storm about the Goober, and really haven't done so since I put my foot down when she was 15 or so months old and forced her to learn how to self-soothe (which is my nice way of saying I broke down from exhaustion and gave into a modified "cry it out" method).

So, when I mention sleep habits these days, usually it's how shitty the sleep habits are and that I'm tired of being held captive in my own bed by the one and only Josie. That kid likes to stay up late no matter how tired she is, and then I'm forced to listen to her rant and rave when I leave the room, or I sit there with her waiting for sleep to take over.

Homeowner logic, the new oxymoron

Sometimes, as a homeowner, you just feel like an idiot.

I think that's actually part of the deed process - you need to sign over your rights to common sense and logic until you've lived at the deeded property for a while.

Heating, cooling, what light switch goes with which outlet, etc. These things can leave you in a daze of new homeowner WTFs.

For instance, today I present to you a lesson in heating your home.

Pies worthy of a crazed baker

Our church is holding its annual Harvest Ham Dinner today. My apologies to anyone who eats the pies I've made and donated to the cause. One top crust is overworked and the other pie is missing apples because Charlotte decided to help herself. 

By the time I was done, I was ready to tear my hair out. It was too early to start drinking

Oh, and headache day No. 6 was well underway. Seriously, I'm now a full week into waking up with a dull headache, which eventually will work itself into a splitting headache by bedtime. If I'm lucky, I'll go to bed with the beginning of a migraine like I did last night.

But let's not think about that. Let's talk about baking ... with our kids.

Desperately seeking wine and a closet

What's the protocol for a kid who attempts to brush her teeth with Softsoap Lavender and Chamomile hand soap?

Please don't say call Poison Control. Please don't say call Poison Control.

Shit. I knew someone would suggest it. Oh well. She hasn't thrown up and she told me she didn't swallow any. Not to mention, I'm fairly certain Charlie learned a valuable lesson here: soap doesn't taste as good as it smells.

I'm a bedtime hostage

I cooked half the day today, but the kids and I had leftovers for dinner.

Most of it probably didn't fit in the "healthier than thou" category, and as I told my mother on the phone, I felt bad. She laughed at me and asked why. Well, because it's not the "hey I tried to make you a gourmet toddler meal" approach to motherhood I was envisioning while my husband was out of town for the week. It was more the, "we're poor and I didn't go to the store for lasagna noodles and milk" version.

Meh. My one bowl of chili and the peas/corn combo, even in the freshest state, weren't on the gourmet list either. Since I was starving (or I like to tell myself I was), I just housed a bologna and cheese sandwich at 11:30 p.m. to try warding off a headache that really won't go away unless I drag my ass to bed. And the headache is likely because of a lack of caffeine, reading in the dark and begging my eldest to just go the fuck to sleep already. Here, listen to Samuel L. Jackson tell this bedtime story, which basically is every single night in my house.

Clutter bug adjustment period

It's done, mostly.

We've been living in the new house for a little more than a week and it's been an adjustment. The kids have been fine going from sharing a room to having their separate corners to fight from. My husband has been fine coming back to the home he spent his adolescence in. I'm the one still trying to adjust, despite calling this house home.

It's me. It's always me.

But this time I know what's holding me back and it's the clutter.