Everything happens with purpose

There are times when I feel like I've failed.

This failure, though, is not a Mommy Fail or even from the "I didn't bother to vacuum and the dog is shedding" aspect of my life.

This is about failing to listen to instinct, pushing aside the nagging sixth sense and then wondering why the hell I did because it's made it harder to handle the punch to the gut reaction when the bad news filters in. It's also about knowing there's nothing I could have done, because when your time here is up and you've been called home, the only thing left to do is pray you arrive safely where you're supposed to go and are held tightly until your soul is selected to come back here again. I guess, in all, the failure to listen is also the success of accepting those things I cannot change. But it still hurts.

Let me just speak plainly, the way you all have come to know I will: It fucking sucks.

I talked quite some time ago about getting these "feelings" and my whole breakdown with hearing people talking and not seeing anyone ... or seeing people walk past the doors and windows in my house and there being no one there.

All Hallow's Eve ... eve

My child refused to dress up for her dance class Halloween thing yesterday.

I'm not going to lie; this doesn't upset me at all. She was adamant we wouldn't even deviate from her normal outfit, though I did sneak in a pair of My Little Legs to keep her warm (which made her look like a less sweaty version of the chick from "Flashdance"). Know why this is awesome to me? My kid was being herself and going against the grain. At least that's what I'm telling myself after last year's meltdown about putting on a damn costume for class.

Before anyone can call me out and say I'm stealing part of their childhood by not enforcing a dress up policy, please just stop. I'm doing nothing of the sort. I'm allowing my child a choice, which I actually think is fairly responsible parenting since I don't want to be the first form of peer pressure they encounter.