No less a rock star

Sick kids are the worst.

It sucks.

It's not just sucky because they're sick, though. Sadly, it's more because the problem can't always be fixed and as a parent it makes you feel helpless. You spend all your time guiding, teaching, snuggling, kissing away the ouchies.

But then along comes a virus that wreaks havoc on your preschooler's intestinal tract and leaves in its wake little hands and little feet and, in our case, even a little nose covered in hives.

I try to consider myself a fairly relaxed parent when it comes to my children's health - I only freak out about a fever if it goes higher than I'm comfortable with and doesn't come down with a OTC med, eye drainage is normal until it's green and goopy and sure sign of an ear infection, if they fall down and there's no blood or sure sign of a sprain or break, we're cool and "be more careful next time."

But, hives? We hadn't experienced those before yesterday, despite having dealt with viruses and bacterias and aches and pains in the past. This was different and at first look, I could have sworn Josie had a sudden onset and raging case of hand, foot and mouth disease. Closer inspection showed not little blisters, but clusters and patches of swollen skin.

So, I did what any young mom with a young mom who's been a nurse for 35 years would do. I called my mom.

*ring ring*
"Either Josie has a raging case of hoof and mouth or something fucked up is happening to my child."

I explained the situation to her and we ran through Josie's behavior over the last week, much of which my mom spent with us because of Charlotte's birthday, getting ready for her birthday and then my need for babysitting service while I went to the doctor's twice this week for myself. Last Friday, she was low-key, not like herself at all and had started with some diarrhea; Saturday she had energy, but not crazy energy like normal, and still loose stools; Sunday she was pale and still low-key, still not a solid poop; Monday I left for the doctor's before she was out of bed and when I got back was told she'd vomited ... and then while I was snuggling her, my child who does not nap fell sound asleep in my arms; Tuesday she was low-key in the morning, was napping when I got back from the dentist, but woke feeling better so we chanced going to her dance class and I had to speed unbuckle her because the look on her face said something wasn't right, and as soon as she hit the pavement, so did her stomach contents (we didn't go to class); Wednesday she was fairly normal, but still kind of low-key; Thursday she woke up, had some breakfast, played and then decided she needed to wash her hands because they "hurt."

Yeah, that probably did hurt. It was painful for me to look at those little hands and not know what was wrong because I've never seen hives up close.

Now, I have. And I'm really glad I was quick enough to take pictures of her hands for reference, and out of fear that it would turn into something worse and I'd need to know what it looked like in the beginning. Parents have overactive imaginations, even the ones who try to be chill, and as we drove to the doctor's office a short time later, visions of flesh eating bacteria ran through my head.

By the time we got to the pediatrician's office about 40 minutes away, her hands and feet were mostly clear. Again, I was thankful I had the foresight to take pictures because I was able to show the doctor, who studied them closely and then checked damn near every inch of my little girl to make sure it was what she thought it was.

Chances are, whatever virus she had that caused the diarrhea and vomiting is what caused the hives, which hopefully is the last leg of this viral infection.

We got the "all clear" - ears are good, throat looks fine, no rash on the rest of her body, no fever, keep her hydrated, try to get her to eat and if it gets worse or changes from hives to rash, come back. Benadryl for the hives. Love for the kid.

She woke this morning and the hives had returned, the whining because her hands hurt came with it and that feeling of helplessness hit me like a ton of bricks.

As parents, we want to be able to fix all the boo-boos. We want to make sure our kids are safe and not in pain and comfortable even if they are ill. It's ingrained in us from the moment we realize we've created a life - the need to have a safe haven for our children. Whether it be a virus, a broken leg, a bully at school, the first break up, the last breath ... we want to protect our babies, and sometimes that feeling of helplessness is suffocating. When your baby says something on her hurts, you need to try to fix it even if you can't, so today will come with extra snuggles, a dose of antihistamine and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast.

Just because I feel helpless doesn't mean I'm less of a Mommy Rock Star to my daughters, and they don't need to know I'm feeling like anything but "the best mommy in the whole wide world."