An itch I'm trying not to scratch

I look like I got into a hardcore wrasslin' match with a poison ivy plant.

Oh wait ... I did.

Never in my life have I had to endure this ridiculousness. Ever. All my years of wandering through wooded areas with friends, going horseback riding through thick grasses and playing in areas you'd think poison ivy would grow, and where do I pick up this itchy, scratchy rash?

The flower bed at Future Home.