It's 1998 and all my friends are doing it. It's the cool thing. They love hanging out doing this stuff and I'm just like, eh I dunno if it's really my thing. I'm a smart kid, I think, but this is kind of out there even for me.
Academic Decathlon. It's basically the most awesome form of nerdery to go down for high school kids if you don't have a chess or glee club.
Oh, you don't know what AcaDec is? Let me enlighten you. It's several months of studying subjects outside the regular school curriculum. Eventually, through the course of studying, a few schools in the state get together in one location and take multiple exams - Regional Competition. Then from those winning schools a handful from the entire state get together for a weekend and nerd it up for two days - State Competition.
The second day starts at the asscrack of dawn with (at least for us New Yorkers) the math exam. Yeah, calculus at 8:45 a.m.
Admit it right now, you'd die if you had to do math that early these days. I hardly remember my name at that time of the morning let alone can do whatever the hell math I learned in high school. My husband is a robot, so we won't include him in this story because he does math for fun. Weirdo.
OK, come back to present time with me.
I talk about AcaDec in the present tense because despite having graduated from high school almost 14 years ago, I'm still very much involved with the program. For the last decade I've volunteered my time as a judge for the state competition. While the second day is pretty grueling for the students - seven exams and a SuperQuiz that begin in the morning with only a couple short breaks and lunch mixed in - it's also taxing on the judges and proctors in the exam and scoring rooms.
I love it. Every second of it.
But I don't love it more than Friday night. If you caught the "seven exam" part you'll know you're missing three components to a "decathlon." That's because the first happens way before the teams get to States (the essay portion) and the other two take place the first night. Friday. Speech and interviews. My favorite part.
Typically, I listen to these speeches - many of them amazing and well thought out pieces, some hilarious, others emotionally charged, some get mangled because the speaker is terrified of public speaking - and within a week I forget what they were even about. But so many of the kids stand out because of the effort they made.
Public speaking is hard. I hated it. When I was in AcaDec, I froze during my speech. Like, walked in, was read the instructions, started talking and stopped dead. I cried and damn near hyperventilated leaving the room because it was the biggest bombing of my teen life. Embarrassing didn't even begin to describe what went down in that room.
I went on to figure my shit out - I was still nervous speaking in public when I got to college (even the first days of classes where the professor has everyone introduce themselves I would get shakey), but as time went on I got better at it. Then in grad school I got way better at it. And then I got my big girl job and HAD to be good at it because I was in public talking to people all.the.time. I finished my master's project - which is basically the master's thesis - while I was working full-time as a reporter and worked the day I had to present my final project to my department. I walked in listened to a bunch of other presentations, got up presented like a boss and sat down content that I'd nailed it.
But, for 15- and 16- and 17- year old kids? It's fucking hard for a lot of them. The last speech of the night was the hardest one to give for the kids in my section. And as a judge, you can't just jump up and hug the crap out of these kids when they get to the end of their speech and are shaking like a leaf. You just can't do that. But damn, I wanted to because all I could think about was how uncomfortable she must have been in the body she'd been born in. And how cruel some kids in high school are and what she may have or must have gone through when she came out as transgender/transexual and began all that goes into gender reassignment.
This was our final speech of the night. A lot of the beginning of this speech was how the LGB part of LGBT were gaining support because of the marriage equality movement and people's general understanding of sexuality. The T is misunderstood - too many people think it's as basic and simple as crossdressing, when it's more. It's identifying with the opposite sex, it's feeling that you are or were meant to be the opposite gender ... it's psychological evaluations, hormone therapies, medical record changes, changing everything on every official document you own and eventually surgery for those who wish to fully live the life of the gender they feel they were supposed to be.
For this young girl it was a big enough, strong enough feeling that she presented us with a speech on the topic. She shared with us how hard it is to be a teen in transition. And though she had to stop a few times, self consciously touched her hair, picked at her cuticle while taking a few deep breaths, smiled nervously and held back tears, she didn't go over the allotted 4-minutes given for prepared speech. She finished strong, though her voice wavered. It doesn't matter that she wasn't the best speech, it really doesn't matter that she didn't medal in the category.
What matters is she did it. She got through that speech. She told her story. And I told her I thought she was a very strong person for putting herself out there. This type of difficult teen years goes way beyond being picked on because you wear glasses or you get your new school clothes at Salvation Army. So so far beyond the hard teen years me and my peers grew up with.
And that is something worth talking about.
***
You may never read this, K, but I have to say it. You will make a difference. You are strong and I hope you always hold your head up high. You're beautiful - your heart is beautiful and you have so very much to give this world. Teach them. I can only assume your parents are supportive of your decision to live not as a boy, but as the woman you feel you were born to be. And if they are, I commend them for giving you the opportunity to have the life you felt you were supposed to live in the body you were meant to have. So many parents wouldn't do that. Too many think these years are just full of "phases" and I hope you know how very lucky you are that yours listened to your need. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of who you are. I'm proud I had the opportunity to meet you and I hope I see you again next year at the state competition (unless you're a senior this year, in which case, go kick ass at college!)All my best,
M
Perfect :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. <3
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